it's so weird,when you know you have someone out there who loves you so much but you don't want to tell him everything and anything because you feel you shouldn't burden him with your problems when he has problems of his own.

and when you choose to tell your friends about them he gets really upset because he feels you haven't been honest with him and though he tells you he truly wants to know how you're feeling and be with you every single happy or sad or excited or depressing moment,it sucks to know that whenever you need him he's never there.and it's not his fault that he isn't here,because he has his own commitments and purposes in life.

and you know how much you want him to get you nice pretty things and spend lavishly on you but on the other hand you feel awful because you don't want to spend the money of the person you love so much because one day he's going to need the money for his education or buying the car he wants or the house he likes or for his marriage.

and sometimes you think if you're really going to be the one walking down the aisle and him waiting for you at the end, ring in hand, smile in heart,because you aren't very good for him.

and then there's again how you blog when you clearly know you have a pile of work waiting for you to be handed in the next day.

in times like this i feel like i need to talk to zhanyi about it,but then he's got to serve his purpose in life soon (NATIONAL SERVICE) and then you feel all bad and turn away from the computer screen,only to stare back at the towering papers on your desk waiting to be rap3d.

/edit.

no hengfai.i din bowl a 200 today.i bowled a 106 though.shit.