it's so weird,when you know you have someone out there who loves you so much but you don't want to tell him everything and anything because you feel you shouldn't burden him with your problems when he has problems of his own.

and when you choose to tell your friends about them he gets really upset because he feels you haven't been honest with him and though he tells you he truly wants to know how you're feeling and be with you every single happy or sad or excited or depressing moment,it sucks to know that whenever you need him he's never there.and it's not his fault that he isn't here,because he has his own commitments and purposes in life.

and you know how much you want him to get you nice pretty things and spend lavishly on you but on the other hand you feel awful because you don't want to spend the money of the person you love so much because one day he's going to need the money for his education or buying the car he wants or the house he likes or for his marriage.

and sometimes you think if you're really going to be the one walking down the aisle and him waiting for you at the end, ring in hand, smile in heart,because you aren't very good for him.

and then there's again how you blog when you clearly know you have a pile of work waiting for you to be handed in the next day.

in times like this i feel like i need to talk to zhanyi about it,but then he's got to serve his purpose in life soon (NATIONAL SERVICE) and then you feel all bad and turn away from the computer screen,only to stare back at the towering papers on your desk waiting to be rap3d.

/edit.

no hengfai.i din bowl a 200 today.i bowled a 106 though.shit.

today was a bad day.
today we mourn the passing of layla.
she was a good judgement of character.
time was a good character anyway,its endless flowing and timing events and what not.
layla was good.she timed time.

though she was an old casio model, she was my role model and i miss her loads.

so anyway taking this opportunity i would like to thank some people
mingxuan, for trying to help me fix layla.
albert, for fixing layla.
daphne, for sending me back and comforting me when coach stabbed me with his words today (and always being the best friend you are)
hongyee, for listening and comforting me (just buy me a drink let me laugh it off and pretend i'm all better)
shihang, for wanting to come to vj to find me at 9 plus at night and then talking to me on my way home.
maorui, for trying to drive over to pick me up and send me to vj (really it's sweet,but you can't lug a bowling bag on a motorcycle love)
nikky, for listening and being my bestfriend and watching layla grow up
aaron, for talking to me and going omggg and dishing out advice and being the awesome eunuch you are to your princess-ness
hengfai,for being here.and there.and making me feel better.
zhanyi, for being the crap you are.

thank you guys,for playing a part in the last moments of layla's life.

hengfai "tmr you'll get 200"
yeah i hope so too.
but i just wish layla would come back.

whoever who took layla, please return her to me.